Tuesday, August 07, 2007

A love hate relationship.... at times we have loved to hate each other!

Mother in laws. I have one. (for the second time around) Here is a brief synopsis of "us" because most of you are new to my life and haven't been blessed with meeting this very unique woman.
  • There has never been anyone in this world good enough for Betty's son.
  • I am always wrong.
  • Chris is always right.
  • Everyone is out to get Betty (that is what she thinks).
  • She is perfect, it's the rest of the world that is nuts.
  • My 9 year old daughter is undeniably her favorite (and for this I'm thankful~)
  • She is the life of the party, if she decides to show up.
  • I love her for raising the son she did ~alone.

In the beginning years of Chris's and my dating/marriage when I would arrive in her presence she would leave. She could be babysitting for hours without ever caring how long I am gone and as soon as I come home she would leave. I took it personally for years and then I got over that. We would often have very horrible verbal fights over the phone, hang up on each other, and then one of us would call the other back and talk like nothing ever happened. It was weird, but, it was our relationship.

When Chris and I separated a few years ago the weirdest thing happened. She was the nicest person to me. She would call my house, be polite, ask to talk to the kids, and that was it..it stunned me. No arguing. I went with it. The shocking thing about our separation is this..the people who I would have never expected to be nasty and mean were, but, the expected mean peope weren't mean. I grew a deep respect for her over the four years.

Then Chris and I got back together. The time has changed many things. I am who I am. As is Chris. I am straight forward, usually in some state of confusion, but..again, I am who I am. Sugar coating it doesn't work for me anymore. When I started spending time with Chris again Betty and I had a heart to heart one afternoon at the kitchen table and I told her that I respected her more now than I ever had, because even through everything that had happened, in my eyes, she remained neutral and had excellent self control. I acknowledged how hard that must have been. She then shared with me that she learned and knew that I was the one person in this world that her son loves more than anything and that she didn't realize what a impact I would ever have on him. It was a moment. We were now on common ground. We both said something nice about the other...and meant it.

My work space is in a shared space where my laundry room is and today she came down to visit and did some laundry and ironing. I was at my desk working. When I looked up she was sitting on the stool that the kids sit on when they help me work. She begins to tell me how upset she was when had I left. That she had to go on "tranquilizers" because she was so shaken up. And then in Betty DeLuca style she says, "I don't think I can ever handle that again, so if you decide to leave I will come after you with a gun. Mark my words"

And so the beat goes on.

1 comment:

dorothy erdely said...

hey kathie! very touching story! you sound happy now & i'm glad! love reading your blog - how 'bout some more family pictures though? have you made any cute cards lately? luv ya! dorothy